I felt like a complete failure.

Here’s my story. On January 1st, 2013 I found out I was pregnant. My partner and I were shocked but also very happy.

We had our first doctor’s appointment, and everything was fine, so we did what any couple does when they are going to have a baby. We started buying stuff!

But on March 3, 2013 I went to bed feeling really sick. No pain, just sick–a normal part of pregnancy. But when I got up the next day, I had a small amount of blood show, so I went to the hospital. They checked me, and I was told I was OK. This scared me, but my partner said the doctors would not lie to me.

But then, the bleeding became painful and heavy. I was rushed into hospital where they scanned me two different ways only to be told that on March 6th, 2013, at 10:00 am I had lost my beautiful baby.

I don’t remember much of what the midwife said after that. I just wanted to run and scream and say it was not true. I remember the look on my partner’s face. He was crying and saying it would be OK.

When I got home, I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t want people saying, “I know how you feel.” How could they know? I felt like a complete failure.

It was two weeks before I even saw or spoke to anyone. Then came the question of what to do with all the baby stuff: keep it or sell it. We decided to keep it so that maybe in the future we will be able to use it.

This year was the two year anniversary and it still hurts. I still have times where I cry and wonder what if. I still talk about my angel as I would like to think that he or she can hear me or is watching over me, knowing that mommy loves and misses you every day.

Thank you for letting me share my story. X

–Zara

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