Noah and Natalie

The butterfly sensations you feel….priceless memories.

The moment when you given the news. “You’re roughly seven weeks pregnant.”

So many thoughts and emotions take over your mind and body. Happy and nervous, all in one. My fiancee was there to hear the news. The first person I called was my amazing mother to share the news.

I was a 25 year-old first time mother to be. What amazing joy to share with the world.

Time had passed. Word had spread. SARAH and MICHAEL are having a baby…not to mention TWO babies. I felt over-blessed to have my dream of one pregnancy, one labor, and two bundles of joy, come true.

It was a Monday. I can remember it very well. I did not feel good and developed bleeding at work. My mom is so amazing and knew something was not right when I phoned her. She was there in a matter of minutes and off to the ER we went. Tests and more tests on top of extreme pain. My heartbeat was over powering the babies heartbeats. The doctor was unable to get a good readable sound. Picture of baby looked normal. Ten weeks and one day.

Was sent home under observation with instructions to return if anything worsened.

Ten weeks and four days. I was internally bleeding. Blood was traveling into parts of my body where blood should not be. One cup and a half in my stomach alone. Blood filled around the embryo and the doctor made the call to terminate my pregnancy.

THE day that changed my life. Made me very angry with God…maybe me being selfish. I dreamed of this day as a little girl–to be taken from you, ripped and pried from your fingers.

One baby in my growing in my uterus and one baby growing inside my left tube.

My surgery took place on early morning of Friday, July 23rd, 2012. A memory I will never lose nor forget. During all this my right tube had gone bad, and baby was in my left tube.

3 1/2 hours later, I wake up to my mom at my bedside. The woman who has always been there for her daughter through it all! She was at my side everyday of recovering, encouraging me, telling me everything will be alright. My living room began to fill with plants, flowers, balloons, and cards. Look up and smile Sarah! You are alive and breathing!

I became very angry with God and searched and searched for an answer…why God? Why me! I am a good woman. I wondered what I’d done that was so horrible. You give babies everyday to broken and abused homes. Why take my babies….

So I named my babies. NOAH and NATALIE. They are our forever YOUNG babies! I was told by the doctor that I may never be able to conceive naturally. I believe with God all things are possible. He is amazing and am no longer angry with him. I am still a mom of two angels in heaven!

–Sarah Marie


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